"She's hitting on you again!"

It's been over a month, and I finally feel like I've totally gotten the hang of this waitressing thing. New and old girls alike come to me with questions, I have a very smooth relationship with the kitchen crew (and I didn't even need to learn filthy Spanish sayings in order to do so!), and I can wait tables, complete my side work, AND wrap silverware pretty much simultaneously, allowing me to leave much earlier than I ever used to. I've still never tried the food though and I don't intend to.


Yesterday, I was blessed with a table of older men who were stopping by after losing all their money in Atlantic City. They were a fun bunch, though they all forgot their glasses so I had to read the entire menu to them and they had questions about EVERY entree and (since I don't eat the food) I had no answers. *When asked if any meal is good, my generic answer is always "The portions are large, everything smells great, and you can't go wrong when the main ingredients are garlic and onion."* By the end of this table's meal, they were getting feisty. The oldest man kept telling the second oldest man that I was hitting on him and when I handed them the check, they provided me with one of the best pick-up lines ever: "We're not from around here...could you leave your number on the bill so we can call you for directions if we get lost?" For once, my lack of sense of direction and my inability to find my way out of a paper bag came in handy and I was able to truthfully evade this table's silly, light-hearted advances. As they left, they handed me their bill and payment, including my tip, and said "You got the last of our Mohicans"--they tipped me fifty percent! Why can't I get more flirty older men who get my strange sense of humor?


My plan for today's shift (since the Phillies are playing tonight and the diner will be slow) was to experiment by wearing sheer black stockings to see if I get better tips, but alas, my only pair had a big hole (Mom, when you read this, know that I need more sheer black stockings. And I didn't get a chance to do the dishes before work. And the money from the check I cashed is on the sofa.). Damn you, Phillies, for taking away my customers. Oh, and GO PHILLIES!