Hey! It's been a while.
My last shift at the diner was the day before Thanksgiving. I think giving two weeks' notice confused the managers, since most people quit during a spur of the moment temper tantrum or get fired for doing something really dumb.
On the day before my big finale, I got into an explosive argument with the only waiter on staff because he accused me of knowingly stealing his silverware. I rarely get angry and I seldom raise my voice, but when I felt that this waiter blatantly belittled my moral integrity in the manner of a 14-year-old girl, my mind went foggy and I unleashed a verbal fury upon him while menacingly waving a barbed bread knife in his face. He looked scared. It was thrilling.
During my last diner shift I was overwhelmed with tables, which was really annoying. At the very end of the night, when I still had three very demanding tables going at once, I slipped on a wet patch of cole slaw (and you know how I feel about that stuff), did a split (that I wasn't aware I was capable of), smashed my shin into a booth (ruining my stockings forever), and yelled "Jesus Christ!" in front of all my customers (thus dashing my prospects of receiving decent tips). I thought of really sticking it to the man by shirking my silverware wrapping that night, but I'm too much of a goody-goody conformist. I didn't care about how much money I made that night, I just wanted to celebrate the time-honored tradition of Thanksgiving Eve.
I'm still taking pet portraits for the Picture People at Petco. (Say that ten times fast!) It's still a ridiculous job. I don't know if I believe the economy is in shambles if people are more interested than ever in spending money on "professional" photographs of their animals.
The Petco contract is actually expanding and not enough people have been hired to cover the new territory yet, so the big bosses have been sending us peons to faraway, exotic store locations such as Long Island. Because of this expansion, I haven't been working with PPL nearly as much--usually we are on our own somewhere. At first I was terrified of being alone on this job, but after being by myself three times so far, I have come to realize that it's so much less stressful without my partner. The positives of her absence simply outweigh the negatives.
Pros:
- Her shameless and lyrically incorrect renditions of Petco radio's songs is entertaining, to say the least.
- She has become one of the most interesting people in my life at present. Every day I learn about something new--for instance, the pot leaf tattoo she has been getting surgically removed from the middle of her chest.
- We have a good system worked out where I take the pictures and edit them, and then she does the sale. I'd prefer to never conduct a sale; I hate seeing the look on the customer's face when they realize the needlessness of what they are purchasing.
Cons:
- She thinks everyone walking into Petco is a secret shopper sent to catch us doing something wrong.
- She sits the whole time balancing her checkbook and typing up elaborate, useless logs for our bosses about the weekend.
- If our supervisor calls me instead of her, PPL gets paranoid that it's because she did something wrong.
- She leaves her open drinks next to valuable electronics on our wobbly sales desk.
- She can only focus on one thing at a time, so if she's trying desperately to establish a nearby wireless connection when a customer comes in, logically, attaining an internet connection takes priority.
- She's never there at the right time. Usually PPL is late, but sometimes she makes up a completely different, nonexistent start-time and wonders why I'm not there.
I realized that I've never provided an actual visual for what it is that I do. So now as I conclude this entry without further delay, I present you with two prime examples of my work (keep in mind these are phone pictures taken of a computer screen).
This one I call "Adorable,"
...and this one I call "Rats!"
