This was the king of Petcos. Because of its location in the affluent Pennsylvania region known as the Main Line, this Petco was run more like a department store rather than a glorified pet shop. It consistently garnered the most sales in the region. For all the establishment's obvious advantages, it was home to the weirdest customers ever to walk the earth.
- Let me preface this by saying I believe myself to be a very open-minded and unbiased individual. I relish the idea of shattering hateful stereotypes, yet stereotypes in general fascinate me--there's some comfort in knowing you're not alone. Where do stereotypes come from? Do people know when they're following one? Do I adhere to any? Anyway, customers at this Petco had more stereotypes than Disney's Epcot. For fear of appearing intolerant, I'll leave it at this: a Jewish man was forcibly teaching his son the value of coupons.
- A very elderly woman dressed head to toe in faux fur was confused and screaming ridiculous commands in the middle of the store.
- I had no idea there were so many Hasidic Jews in Ardmore, Pennsylvania.
- A sketchy foreign woman with no purse carried her money and credit cards under her shirt in her bra. When she took a credit card out, her boob came with it. She didn't seem to notice or care.
- For some reason, this Petco was constantly the approximate temperature of an ice box and as I was unprepared for this, I was freezing on Friday. Try as I might to appear warm, my cold misery was incredibly evident:
- Man (in a creepy voice)- "Want to know how I know you're cold?"
- Me (quickly becoming increasingly self conscious that he's talking about what is commonly referred to as smuggling peas, headlights are on, turkeys are done, highbeams, or erect nipples.)- "How....?"
- Man (suddenly quite scholarly)- "I can see your goosebumps. The hair on your arms is standing up. You know what that's called? It's called piloERECTION."
- Me (exhausted from getting creeped out, then relieved, then enlightened, then creeped out again)- "Thank you."
- There was a Panera Bread right next door. I know what you're thinking, "AWESOME!" and you're half right. I was thrilled to order an amazingly satisfying meal from enthusiastic workers for three days straight, but I was also terrified about the kind of trouble PPL would find herself in with the world wide web at her disposal. After yet another wonderful Panera lunch break, I came back to the store to find my partner smirking devilishly and typing on the computer. Turns out she was having a Facebook chat conversation of questionable morality with a 32-year-old she's never met before. Due to this chat, she had me take a picture of her with her cell phone so she could send it to this stranger (not the first time I've done this for her).
- At the very end of Sunday's shift at Petco, a female customer mistook me for a Petco employee. Upon realizing her dire mistake, she complimented my eyes. Then my face. Then my entire everything. She told me I looked like Karen Allen and Denise Richards (only she called her "that woman I never liked who was married to Charlie Sheen"). Somehow the conversation turned to how she's a germaphobe and won't go near any of her sick friends and then she stressed the importance of hand-washing this time of year. She took up 20 minutes of my time.
- On Friday, I talked a man into letting us photograph his dog. On Saturday, he brought his dog back for a session but then couldn't decide on a photo so he said he'd come back after he deliberated at home. On Sunday, he approached me, quickly flashed a USB flash drive and a wad of cash from his breast pocket, and said, "I want to make a deal with you and your partner." A grown man tried to bribe me for photographs of his dog.
